I just sent in my $2, can't wait to get the video!
And yes, I'll meet you there!
I just sent in my $2, can't wait to get the video!
And yes, I'll meet you there!
This putz is in the running for our Federal election...
https://www.qzzr.com/quiz/90e0ba41-2...emVzLzEwMzIyMQ
Give a man fire, and he'll be warm for a day!
Light a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life!
Cat's are food... not friends!
If you're going to fight, then fight like you're the third monkey on the ramp into Noah's arc... and brother, it's starting to rain.
Ed and Nancy met while on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for her.
When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home.
Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Nancy to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums. Ed became convinced that Nancy was indeed his soul mate and true love. Every date seemed better than the last.
On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed took Nancy to a fine restaurant. While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Ed said,
"I guess you can tell I'm very much in love with you. I'd like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage. So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life changing question, it's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut. I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that's going to be a problem for us, you'd better say so now!"
Nancy took a deep breath and responded, "Ed, that certainly won't be a problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we're being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five years I've been a hooker."
Ed said, "I bet it's because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball."
Give a man fire, and he'll be warm for a day!
Light a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life!
Cat's are food... not friends!
If you're going to fight, then fight like you're the third monkey on the ramp into Noah's arc... and brother, it's starting to rain.
The Doctor asks: "What's the problem?
The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me."
The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband
is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your
mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he either leaves the
room or calms down.
Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
The woman says: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband
started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he
calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?"
The Doctor says: "The water itself does nothing. It's keeping your mouth
shut that does the trick".
Give a man fire, and he'll be warm for a day!
Light a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life!
Cat's are food... not friends!
If you're going to fight, then fight like you're the third monkey on the ramp into Noah's arc... and brother, it's starting to rain.
Give a man fire, and he'll be warm for a day!
Light a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life!
Cat's are food... not friends!
If you're going to fight, then fight like you're the third monkey on the ramp into Noah's arc... and brother, it's starting to rain.
Last edited by Sniper-T; 10-13-2015 at 12:43 PM.
Give a man fire, and he'll be warm for a day!
Light a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life!
Cat's are food... not friends!
If you're going to fight, then fight like you're the third monkey on the ramp into Noah's arc... and brother, it's starting to rain.
RAMBLINGS OF A RETIRED MIND...
I found this timely, because today
I was in a store that sells sunglasses, and only sunglasses.
A young lady walks over to me and asks, "what brings you in today?"
I looked at her, and said, I'm interested in buying a refrigerator. She didn't quite know how to respond. Am I getting to be that age?
I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse.
I can't afford one.
So I'm wearing my garage door opener.
You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before
I realized that people didn't like me anyway.
I was thinking that women should put pictures
of missing husbands on beer cans!
I was thinking about old age and decided that old age
is when you still have something on the ball
but you are just too tired to bounce it.
I thought about making a fitness movie for
folks my age and call it 'Pumping Rust'.
When people see a cat's litter box they always say,
'Oh, have you got a cat?'
Just once I want to say,
'No, it's for company!'
Employment application blanks always ask
who is to be called in case of an emergency.
I think you should write,“An ambulance”.
I was thinking about how people seem to read the
Bible a whole lot more as they get older.
Then it dawned on me. They were cramming for their finals.
As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.
Birds of a feather flock together and then potty on your car.
The older you get the tougher it is to lose weight because
by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost
around the house is to buy a replacement.
Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name
is so he can tell when he's really in trouble..
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words
'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs...'
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when
you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
Ah! Being young is beautiful but being old is comfortable.
Some people try to turn back their "odometers." Not me.
I want people to know 'WHY' I look this way.
I've traveled a long way and
some of the roads weren't paved.
Lord, “PLEASE” Keep your arm around my
shoulder and your hand over my mouth.
Give a man fire, and he'll be warm for a day!
Light a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life!
Cat's are food... not friends!
If you're going to fight, then fight like you're the third monkey on the ramp into Noah's arc... and brother, it's starting to rain.
At breakfast, the husband says to his wife, "What would you do if I won the Lotto?"
"I'd take half and leave you," she says.
"Great," he says.
"Here's $6. I won $12 yesterday!
Stay in touch".
Give a man fire, and he'll be warm for a day!
Light a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life!
Cat's are food... not friends!
If you're going to fight, then fight like you're the third monkey on the ramp into Noah's arc... and brother, it's starting to rain.
With a very seductive voice a wife asked her husband "Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?"
"No" said her husband.
She gave him a sexy little smile unbuttoned top three buttons of her blouse and slowly reached down in her cleavage created by a soft, silky pushup bra and pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar bill.
He took the crumpled Twenty Dollar bill from her and smiled approvingly.
She then asked "Have you ever seen Fifty Dollars all crumpled up?" "No I haven't" he said, an anxious tone in his voice.
She gave him another sexy little smile pulled up her skirt, seductively reached into her tight sheer panties and pulled out a crumpled Fifty Dollar bill.
He took the crumpled Fifty Dollar bill and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation.
"Now" she said "Have you ever seen 40,000 Dollars all crumpled up?"
"No way" he said becoming even more aroused and excited to which she replied: "Go look in the garage."
Give a man fire, and he'll be warm for a day!
Light a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life!
Cat's are food... not friends!
If you're going to fight, then fight like you're the third monkey on the ramp into Noah's arc... and brother, it's starting to rain.
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