I REALLY need some good, solid advice on this matter

[Domeguy]

Please forgive me as this may be long and ramble. (AMMENDED, The second post is where I ask about the help). I got a phone call early this morning from my son. His ex wife, named Saundra, called him insisting he come instantly and pick up their son at her home, as she could no longer stand to have him there. She said either last night or this morning he had (according to her,) forceably kissed his 4 yr old 1/2 sister, my grandson just turned 6. I don't know of the circumstances of that, but I do know when I picked him up last summer at her place, as he left, his 1/2 sister kissed him on the lips and said to him I love you, and then kissed the other neighbor kids standing around the same. Saundra never seemed upset at time about any kissing between children. This morning she claimed in a later phone call to my wife after I had picked him up, she was protecting her daughter, and teaching her how she had to learn how to stand up against rape. More about this later. I told my son I would go get him, as he had to work. As I pull up, I look around, as she lives in a drug ridden, high crime public housing complex. I see nothing to be alarmed about, and then see her and my grandson come out. I calmly ask her what's going on, and she has a wild look in her eye, is in a highly agitated state, and I would swear on my life she I'd high in something. She tells me about the same, he kissed his sister, couldn't control him, couldn't have him around her, and didn't want him around, and he had to leave now. I say OK, and we leave. As I get him into the truck, I see his face is severely bruised, he has bruise markes around his neck, arms, all over him basically. I immediately take him to my son at work, who is waiting for us, we show him to his boss, who says for us to take care of him, it's ok to leave. We go immediately to the police, who under investigation find out she and her new boyfriend who lives at the same project, used his sisters hands to hit him, her hand in theirs, telling her this is how you teach someone who is trying to hurt and rape you. The boyfriend then gets my grandson and chokes him against the wall. And this is what really gets me, at some point had used a small chain to chain his hands behind his back. He showed the police officer this by turning around and putting his arms behind him. The cop was the one who saw the marks on his arms and wrist. I'll post and continue so I don't loose this.

[Sniper-T]

yikes... sounds like lunatic rantings of a dope fuelled psycho! But, and this is a big BUT... you need to talk to him about appropriate and inappropriate 'kissing' and see what he says. he didn't come up on this on his own... it's learned behaviour! Where did he learn it?

Further, we have heard tidbits about the kids life, and his difficulties, but not enough to know what has all happened, over the years. If he has gotten his life together (son), working, stable... then it should be easy enough to remove Gson from mom, and be good to go, esp if she's a doper... BECAUSE she asked for him gone.

You don't say how old Gson is... consider counselling! He's a broken child from a messed up mommy... the sooner the better!

[realist]

Well you are doing the right thing by going to the cops. Remember if you try to settle it on your own they have nothing to loose and you will end up in jail. It tough thing to do but at least you have your son away from her. I don't know if your situation will allow for you to take care of him but he needs to get out of the environment. I recommend you see about getting a restraining order against her and get custody of him. No matter what it is a sucky situation. Good luck.

BTW I would talk to a good attorney and if you can't afford it check with legal aid.

[Sniper-T]

Oh... and any future dealings with her... ANY!!! make sure you have someone Don't dig yourself in a hole my friend. in fact have 2 friends, one standing back unobserved with a video cam!

[Domeguy]

After the interview, the cop lets Corey look on the computer, and points out who the boyfriend is. He luckily has a rap sheet, and the police found him by just looking up the first name. We are let out, and take Corey for some ice cream, and when my son leaves, I tell him I am going over to watch and see what happens from a distance. After a couple of hours, after 5 cars show up, they take her out in cuffs and put her in the back of a car. One of the cops sees me watching and seems a little nervous, and I approach him in a non threatening manor, as I was hopping not to get shot to explain who I was and why I was watching. Just as I got out, i meet the cop who we gave the interview to, and he pulls out the chain from his breast pocket, and shows it to me, and said it was what they used on his wrists. They got her but he had run apparently earlier or had left earlier. There is now an APB out for his arrest. The good thing Is now my son SHOULD get full custody, with all rights taken away from her. AND THIS IS WHERE I AM NOW ASKING ADVICE ABOUT. Several months ago, we spent thousands of $ to try and get full custody for my son. We knew something like this was gonna happen sooner than later. The first time we go before the judge, he wants to put it off for later, but when my son asked for some temporary help, fearing his son was in danger, and asking for her to submit to a drug test, he states he wants them both to take a drug test, that day, and they both agree, states them to come back in 10 days. He immediately goes, gets his, passes it. 10 days later, she states she couldn't get it as she couldn't afford to as she had no money, as she spent it all on winter clothes for the kids. She has 3 kids, 3 different fathers. (3 years earlier tried to claim my son was the father of the girl, swearing in court he was, he and DNA said he wasn't). The judge said it made it difficult for him to believe her, but gave her a second chance, and come back in 10 days. 10 days latter, still no drug test, claiming she had no money. When pushed by our lawyer, the judge gets pissed, states that if she doesn't have the money, he can't force her, tells our attorney to look it up, and asked if we want to pay for it. I said I would have 20 days ago, but it's too late now. He and the lawyer pass a few words back and forth, and he threatens to take away any visitation and privileges my son has if we don't like it. We tried to tell hem she has a past of abandoning him. She has told my son on 4 different occasions to take him, as she didn't want him, and after a month or so, would each time use use the police to take him back. We were told by police, she has custody, go to court. He doesn't like that we are trying to make a good mother look bad in his court room. Later I try to talk some since into her to sign over custody, promising no child support, good visitation rights, what ever it takes. She says no, but luckily, with no help from, and seeing no help from the judge, we agree to joint custody out of court, with my son being primary custodial parent. SO THIS IS WHAT I NEED HELP WITH. How can we get this out to the judge to see what his mistake has done to a little innocent boy, who refused to listen to the facts we wanted to put in front of him. Do we try to meet with him to show him so others don't also have to suffer, do we go to the media...I welcome any suggestions. Little Corey will be OK after this ordeal, he is doing to get counciling, has a loving family support group, and hopefully won't ever have to see that bitch of a mother, and I hope the cops get the
boyfriend and he gets his. She is Saundra Wagener, and he is Ethan Payne, both from Manchester, TN. The police are still looking for him.
Please forgive me, as I also just needed to vent, and moderators, if I broke any rules, it will accept what ever you wish, but I think their names have a right to be out in public, especially if the police are looking for him.

[Domeguy]

[QUOTE=Sniper-T;78270]yikes... sounds like lunatic rantings of a dope fuelled psycho!

I'm almost over the flu and have only taken Tylenol...so back off. LOL. I'm trying to calm down now, and I always try to laugh about something, even if it me. Thanks for caring to everyone.

[Sniper-T]

Pictures.... large graphic pictures or the Gson, showing his wounds! Play it up! don't take close ups, show him... his face, in obvious pain while showing off his bruises. video clips of him, in his voice describing what they did to him. the face can be blurred or black barred, but the tone of voice and the injuries in pics last forever!

Judges have the misguided notion that all kids are better off with mom rather than dad. Show him the difference! Remember... once pics are entered into evidence... they are there forever! If the judge rules against you... and shit happens again, old evidence can be brought back up to set precedence! (ie prior abuse)

And tell your kid to keep his nose clean... and under no circumstance to ever see her alone again. CYA!!! Cover Your Ass!

[Vodin]

Ask the cops who were involved to speak to the judge? Or have the cops involved in court?
"Post-decree" petitions are those filed after a Decree of Dissolution of Marriage, Legal Separation or Annulment, or Judgment of Paternity is entered, and are usually filed to modify or enforce existing orders of the Court
How do I start a post-decree action? You must file the appropriate paperwork with the court if you want the court to change or enforce a current court order. Consult with an attorney for legal advice. Forms are located at:

To Make Someone Obey a Court Order (Enforcement of a Court Order that Already Exists)

To Change a Court Order (Modification of a Court Order that Already Exists)

For additional information see the Arizona State Bar Web site.

Just ran into this.. hope it helps.

[Sniper-T]

Take notes... detailed notes about every interaction, try to keep subjective opinion out, but be specific! 'she acted like she was on drugs'=bad. 'her words were slurred, sentences incomplete, losing train of thought'=good!

add specific examples.

this doesn't mean scribbling notes during a meeting, but immediately after, stop for icecream for the Gson, and write your notes, and then get him to talk and you write his! Think affidavit!

[bacpacker]

DG all I know to do would be follow Snipiers advice. NO one on one meetings, always have at least 1-2 others and have someone videoing the entire meeting w/audio. Gets pics and video of the Gson showing the brusies and describing what took place. Hopefully the cops did this as well. Get a DAMN good attorney. I can't stand them, but sometimes you gotta go that route. No idea what to do about the judge. They sound like a POS that is a major part of the problem.

All I can do is pray for you all. I will be doing that!