Question for the fourm

[bacpacker]

Folks I gotta question for anyone or everyone. Next month my MIL is going to be moving in with us. She's late 70's and is in late stage Alzheimers. We figure this time would come eventually and have been trying to get ready for it. I'm not sure you can ever be ready for this however.

Does anyone have any expereince dealing with this? Any thoughts or questions come to mind from anyone? Maybe some stuff I've forgot to look at.

Prayers gratefully accepted.

[ak474u]

Sorry to hear this, I've been there with my grandmother. I have a few suggestions...


Is she still mobile? If so, you may want to put in a keyed lock on the front door to prevent wandering away, I know it sounds like prison, but as you probably already know, alzheimers is a prison in itself.

Locks on doors to areas you may want to restrict access to. My mother is a nurse, and was a day sleeper when my grandmother was still mobile, so not only did we put a lock on my mom's door, we also put a rope across the hallway that hung on a hook when not in use, that kept my grandmother from getting to the door and banging on it during bouts with confusion.

Obviously access to meds needs to be controlled, you don't want to be liable for an accident with drugs since she is in your care.

Hope this helps, you'll be in our prayers

[LUNCHBOX]

My uncles dad had it and moved in with them. One thing I remember is he would leave and not know how to return....they ended up putting a double sided keylock deadbolt in to keep him in at night. Sounds bad but it was for his safety. You also have to watch the kitchen appliances (stove getting turned on) cause my aunt would find it on sometimes cause he thought he was cooking.

Just remember when she is having a good day, enjoy it for all its worth for your wife benefit. My aunt and uncle went through some bad days with his dad. Keep a clear head.

[The Stig]

Folks I gotta question for anyone or everyone. Next month my MIL is going to be moving in with us. She's late 70's and is in late stage Alzheimers. We figure this time would come eventually and have been trying to get ready for it. I'm not sure you can ever be ready for this however.

Does anyone have any expereince dealing with this? Any thoughts or questions come to mind from anyone? Maybe some stuff I've forgot to look at.

Prayers gratefully accepted.

My heart goes out to you. We are dealing with this right now with my Grandmother. She is late stage and basically gone.

You are getting some great advice here.

A lot of communities have senior citizens councils, and many have Alzheimer's ones also. From what I've gathered they are pseudo-governmental organizations. I'm sure they differ in quality, but the one in my Grandparents area is excellent. Lots of support, advice, information, opinions and care. I know a lot of men struggle with asking for help but reaching out to one of these resources might ease the burden somewhat.

Options for care are limitless in big cities, probably more limited in rural areas. In bigger cities, you can do full blown nursing home care, assisted living, adult daycare, in-home care, etc. Depending on the patient, adult daycare is a nice option. Frankly, it gets you a break from MIL for a while and it gets her stimulation and activities. Again, some folks respond well to this, others don't.

Don't forget that the disease is just as hard on the caregiver as the afflicted one. This will be hard for you and your wife and will be a strain on your marriage. Plan for that, and try to avoid being totally beaten into submission by it, or neglect each other. While what you are doing for your MIL is noble, you can't let it destroy your family in the process.

Every person is different, but we found that my Grandmother does a lot better with stimulation. Whether it be seeing my daughter, getting her nails done, petting a dog or singing a song she perks up and shows a little more liveliness than if she sits on the couch all day. Some days it's easy to think she's a vegetable, and for the most part she is. But that doesn't mean you should treat her like it. There's still a human in there, somewhere.

Lunchbox is right. Savor those days, and at some point, brief flashes, where you can connect with her. Sorry to be morbid but there will come a time when those are gone or almost non-existant. Sounds corny but don't take a single second where you feel that she is "there" for granted. The last time we felt my Grandmother knew who we were was a long time ago (probably two years ago). The last time she showed a flash of knowing I was her Grandson I blubbered the entire 1 hour drive home.

Let us know how we can help you man. It's going to be a hard road but sadly you aren't alone.

[bacpacker]

Thanks for the tips and encouragement. It means a great deal. My grandfather had it as well and it was terrible to watch him drift away. He went over about 5-7 year period and the first 3 years we didn't recognize it as what it was. He stayed home with my grandma till about the last month he was alive. My mom and her brothers helped out alot but mamaw was there 24/7. She was a hell of a lady, tougher than I ever realized.

My wife has been researching available options with stuff the last few months and has a plan in mind. We doubt that she'll be here for the duration, but she wants to keep her with us as long as she can. The MIL still remembers most of the family, but has went down hill over badly over the last year, so I can see that going away soon.

I've already been looking into different door locks to help keep her inside.
Thanks again