izzyscout21
06-22-2011, 08:43 PM
Original piece at RANGERUP.com
If ever an eclectic collection of trinkets and mementos existed that could drive a woman to insanity, it may just exist in my garage. One of the self-serving motifs we Soldiers live by, and wear on our proverbial sleeves like badges of honor, is the every-powerful truth that the more cool stuff you have, the cooler you must be. Now, don’t make the erroneous assumption that by cool stuff, I necessarily mean expensive stuff, because although there is some very expensive, very cool stuff out there, price is most definitely not the ultimate judge of awesomeness. This isn’t a material focus, a never-ending search for bigger, better, and newer, but an existential look into what makes a man tick. The bottom line assessment of awesomeness? If you can answer with the simple phrase, “Because it’s cool,” then you are on the right track.
My wife and I recently had the DVD debate. The one which brings into question the very existence of any extensive DVD collection. After all, with on-demand and online sources like Netflix, what is the purpose of a DVD collection anymore? Because it’s cool, that’s why. At my fingertips, I have access to numerous guy-flicks and cult classics, my all-important collection (which every Father should have) of movies-every-boy-must-watch, and those ancient, ridiculous classics that time may forget, but I never will. Chance I will watch these gems ever again. Pretty low. Chance I will show them off to the guys during neighborhood barbeques? Pretty good.
As a Soldier, however, this penchant for collecting miscellaneous bits of awesomeness tends to run on the rampant side. Spent shells, Iraqi ashtrays, Hooka pipes, swords of every imaginable era and style (see Confederate Saber, Samurai Sword, and Spartan Pig-sticker), blow-guns, potato guns, air guns, mugs of the pewter and ceramic persuasion, shot glasses, old cigars, coins, patches, and the list goes on and on and on. Why do we collect all this rip and ramble? Who really needs a medieval mace? Who needs a miniature set of samurai armor? Who needs their own antique cigar press?!?! Because it’s cool. No other reason is necessary.
Because it's cool, woman!!
I have, under my side of the bed, three samurai swords, a set of throwing knives, a diving knife, and a homemade set of nunchaku. My wife, God bless her, doesn’t really get it. The very real (in my mind anyway) possibility of hoards of ninja assassins busting into the house, holding my family hostage, and falling to my swords/knives in bloody battle, doesn’t seem to resonate with my wife, but that’s okay. When I’m 80, and have yet to face the oncoming Ninja menace, my stuff will still be in the house, under my bed, because it’s cool. Okay, so maybe I know the truth. I know that should anyone truly bust into my home looking for trouble, Mr. 45 will answer the call, not the throwing knives. But knowing they are there is somehow reassuring, somehow just seems to fit.
The awesome hypocrisy of this collection debate is, of course, the fine china, the copious amounts of polish pottery, the endless shine of crystal that will never be used in my house. Armaments of fine living that always seem to be waiting in limbo, stored for that “special occasion.” Scarves, purses, shoes, and coats that have never been, and will never be, worn. When it comes to household six, however, the wise axiom prevails. “A happy wife is a happy life,” or “When mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.”
But the 12 year-old in me (which still seems to occupy significant influence on my life) isn’t ready to give up the toys, not yet. I think it must be the 12 year-old that still hoards great pieces of wood, miscellaneous bits of ropes and string, unused parts of 10 year old computers, and more baseballs, racquetballs, tennis balls, soccer balls, basketballs, and golf balls than I can every humanly go through. So HH6 continues to collect the shiny pretty things, and I continue to indulge my inner child with cool stuff, until one day when I’m ready to give up the toys. It is my earnest prayer, however, that the 12 year old continues to exhibit influence for a while yet. That bits of this, bits of that, and a hefty slice of whatthehellisthatthing continue to find a home in the corners of my garage. This is the tribute to the inner child, the one who breathlessly whispers in wondrous explanation as he joyfully displays each new treasure, “Because it’s cool….”
If ever an eclectic collection of trinkets and mementos existed that could drive a woman to insanity, it may just exist in my garage. One of the self-serving motifs we Soldiers live by, and wear on our proverbial sleeves like badges of honor, is the every-powerful truth that the more cool stuff you have, the cooler you must be. Now, don’t make the erroneous assumption that by cool stuff, I necessarily mean expensive stuff, because although there is some very expensive, very cool stuff out there, price is most definitely not the ultimate judge of awesomeness. This isn’t a material focus, a never-ending search for bigger, better, and newer, but an existential look into what makes a man tick. The bottom line assessment of awesomeness? If you can answer with the simple phrase, “Because it’s cool,” then you are on the right track.
My wife and I recently had the DVD debate. The one which brings into question the very existence of any extensive DVD collection. After all, with on-demand and online sources like Netflix, what is the purpose of a DVD collection anymore? Because it’s cool, that’s why. At my fingertips, I have access to numerous guy-flicks and cult classics, my all-important collection (which every Father should have) of movies-every-boy-must-watch, and those ancient, ridiculous classics that time may forget, but I never will. Chance I will watch these gems ever again. Pretty low. Chance I will show them off to the guys during neighborhood barbeques? Pretty good.
As a Soldier, however, this penchant for collecting miscellaneous bits of awesomeness tends to run on the rampant side. Spent shells, Iraqi ashtrays, Hooka pipes, swords of every imaginable era and style (see Confederate Saber, Samurai Sword, and Spartan Pig-sticker), blow-guns, potato guns, air guns, mugs of the pewter and ceramic persuasion, shot glasses, old cigars, coins, patches, and the list goes on and on and on. Why do we collect all this rip and ramble? Who really needs a medieval mace? Who needs a miniature set of samurai armor? Who needs their own antique cigar press?!?! Because it’s cool. No other reason is necessary.
Because it's cool, woman!!
I have, under my side of the bed, three samurai swords, a set of throwing knives, a diving knife, and a homemade set of nunchaku. My wife, God bless her, doesn’t really get it. The very real (in my mind anyway) possibility of hoards of ninja assassins busting into the house, holding my family hostage, and falling to my swords/knives in bloody battle, doesn’t seem to resonate with my wife, but that’s okay. When I’m 80, and have yet to face the oncoming Ninja menace, my stuff will still be in the house, under my bed, because it’s cool. Okay, so maybe I know the truth. I know that should anyone truly bust into my home looking for trouble, Mr. 45 will answer the call, not the throwing knives. But knowing they are there is somehow reassuring, somehow just seems to fit.
The awesome hypocrisy of this collection debate is, of course, the fine china, the copious amounts of polish pottery, the endless shine of crystal that will never be used in my house. Armaments of fine living that always seem to be waiting in limbo, stored for that “special occasion.” Scarves, purses, shoes, and coats that have never been, and will never be, worn. When it comes to household six, however, the wise axiom prevails. “A happy wife is a happy life,” or “When mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.”
But the 12 year-old in me (which still seems to occupy significant influence on my life) isn’t ready to give up the toys, not yet. I think it must be the 12 year-old that still hoards great pieces of wood, miscellaneous bits of ropes and string, unused parts of 10 year old computers, and more baseballs, racquetballs, tennis balls, soccer balls, basketballs, and golf balls than I can every humanly go through. So HH6 continues to collect the shiny pretty things, and I continue to indulge my inner child with cool stuff, until one day when I’m ready to give up the toys. It is my earnest prayer, however, that the 12 year old continues to exhibit influence for a while yet. That bits of this, bits of that, and a hefty slice of whatthehellisthatthing continue to find a home in the corners of my garage. This is the tribute to the inner child, the one who breathlessly whispers in wondrous explanation as he joyfully displays each new treasure, “Because it’s cool….”