My 20th anniversary of surviving the day. Mixed thoughts.

[Stormfeather]

Twenty years ago this evening, I was wounded while performing my military duties in a combat zone. I never let it stop me, and after all of these years being in combat zones around the world, I find myself filled with mixed emotions about that day. This wasn't my first time in a combat zone,nor my first time being shot at, nor was it the first time Ive been wounded in one. But it was the first time that I honestly thought I wouldn't come home alive. This was the day I faced my own mortality and lived. Today is the day I relive, each and every day of my life. Every single skirmish, or battle since this one has been nothing, nothing compared to the mental and physical hell of this day.
Did I do everything I could have done, not only for myself, but for my friends who didn't make it? I would like to think so. I would like to think that my training was top notch, my reactions were on par with what was expected of me, and yet people still died. I carry this day with me unlike any others. This was the day that I remember being on top of my game, only to end up on the bottom of the pile. This is the day we fought a losing battle, and we knew we were losing. This is my own personal and private Vietnam. We went in, we did the job we was asked to do. We were outnumbered. We were outgunned and we barely made it out alive. Why did I make it and others didn't? Was there some great cosmic force that said, you will not die today, even though I had resigned myself to the fact I wouldn't be coming home? What was the greater purpose of me living and others better than me dying? Ive lived each and every day since this moment 20 years ago, teaching other warriors my life lessons of that day, hoping that each and every person Ive taught, of the thousands that Ive taught, ONE. . . just one, maybe took my lessons to heart. If my actions saved one warrior, it makes it worth it in the end. But this still doesn't stop the hurt.

I'm only putting this out there, so others here know what veterans like many of us go thru. Please do not reprint this. Do not forward this. Don't judge me, don't pity me. Every day veterans have these thoughts. I just felt the need to share amongst people I feel I could trust.

Stormfeather

ETA: for those that asked, Today is the 20th anniversary of Operation Gothic Serpent, also known to Army people as Day Of The Rangers, and to most as Black Hawk Down. I was in a Marine attachment whose story is not as well known, and due to operational security constraints, wont be as well known.

[eagle326]

Stormy ; I don't think we'll ever figure it out in this life time. Memories have a way taking you back in time and sometimes longer than you want.
Appreciate you posting this ;I couldn't had said it as well as you.

[ElevenBravo]

Combat vets live a life that no one else can understand.

I was Infantry, and I can empathize, but having never been in combat I cannot sympathize. I understand what you are feeling, but I cannot share the feeling.

One thing I know, never question karma... she does her own thing for her own reasons. Your here now for some greater good. Maybe you are doing it now,
just being you on your day to day... or, the greater thing has yet to reveal it's self.

Of your just lucky.

At any rate, keep driving on!

EB

[Sniper-T]

Life is like a long walk, no matter the hurt, just keep pickin' them up and puttin' them down!

[bacpacker]

Stormy, I'm sure nothing can take away the pain of that day. No way to know why you were spared, just know there was a reason. I know you make sure to do your best to pass the lessons learned on. That may or may not be the reason, but you will find it sometime.

Always know this, you along with all the other vets on here have my upmost respect and too each of you my deepest thanks for all you have done for this country. Prayers sent for each of you.

[Stormfeather]

Gentleman, thank you for your thoughts, your wishes, prayers, and your inspiration.

Tonight I raise a glass of the finest Kentucky bourbon in your honor for a toast, to the 18 US Servicemen killed and the 72 others who were wounded. May our ammo be plentiful, may our wars be scarce, may our sacrifices never be in vain, may we honor those who fought with us, for us, and even against us, for we are warriors who know that only thru battle may we find peace. Salut.

[eagle326]

Gentleman, thank you for your thoughts, your wishes, prayers, and your inspiration.

Tonight I raise a glass of the finest Kentucky bourbon in your honor for a toast, to the 18 US Servicemen killed and the 72 others who were wounded. May our ammo be plentiful, may our wars be scarce, may our sacrifices never be in vain, may we honor those who fought with us, for us, and even against us, for we are warriors who know that only thru battle may we find peace. Salut.

And my finest bourbon toast to you and our many brothers who never came home.

AIRBORNE!!!!

FOREVER FORWARD!!!

[helomech]

Wow that has been 20 years. I was stationed in Germany at the time and we where supposed to deploy to the region. But the powers to be decided they did not want apache's there, they said it would be to aggressive of an action. We had just installed our long range fuel tanks on the wings, and where waiting on final orders. Having 18 apaches there may have just made a huge difference. We where given our rules of engagment, (that was some BS). Not sure how much difference our assets would have made, but it sure could have helped.

[Stormfeather]

Helo, yes, It has been exactly 20 years to the day. Twenty years ago on this hour, I was in a full engagement, down to 2 mags of ammo, and we had just had a bird fly overhead and kick out a duffel bag of loaded magazines and frags. I was suffering from a concussion from taking a RPG hit on a wall 5 feet away at face level with shrapnel lodged in my orbital socket above my eye. I was the most coherent person and the least wounded in my team. So yes, a full flight of Apaches would have made a hell of a difference, of that I have no doubt.

For those reading that havent been where we have, let me explain something what Helo is talking about. Rules of Engagement (ROE) is something politicians make up to think that the horror of war can and will be averted. They assume that everyone, including the bad guys, will abide by the rules of war. Little do they know that there is no such thing as a polite war. War is fought and won, by those willing to get their hands and their souls, the dirtiest.

EGO have a altus es, ego damnum qui me afflixerunt crudelius. loosely translated. . ."I have a high art, I hurt with cruelty those who would damage me." - Archilocus, 650 B.C.

[helomech]

Helo, yes, It has been exactly 20 years to the day. Twenty years ago on this hour, I was in a full engagement, down to 2 mags of ammo, and we had just had a bird fly overhead and kick out a duffel bag of loaded magazines and frags. I was suffering from a concussion from taking a RPG hit on a wall 5 feet away at face level with shrapnel lodged in my orbital socket above my eye. I was the most coherent person and the least wounded in my team. So yes, a full flight of Apaches would have made a hell of a difference, of that I have no doubt.

For those reading that havent been where we have, let me explain something what Helo is talking about. Rules of Engagement (ROE) is something politicians make up to think that the horror of war can and will be averted. They assume that everyone, including the bad guys, will abide by the rules of war. Little do they know that there is no such thing as a polite war. War is fought and won, by those willing to get their hands and their souls, the dirtiest.

We felt for you guys, and where pissed we could not help. Our ROE where that when we got there we could not fire back even if fired upon without approval from Brigade level.

[Domeguy]

I am speechless. All I can say through tears are THANK YOU for your service.

[ak474u]

I've always been interested in what happened that day, and marveled at the failure of TPTB to kick the living snot out of the locals to get our guys out. A friend of a friend made all of the Delta gear for BHD and spent a lot of time with Paul Howe.

[Stormfeather]

Hopefully, we learned a valuable lesson that day, tptb know better to let this happen again.

[helomech]

Just happened to stumble across this pic today. This pic was taken the day we installed the auxiliary fuel tank on the helicopters so we could make the flight there. Some places would not allow us to stop for fuel, so this tank gave us the range we needed.

http://i266.photobucket.com/albums/ii247/helomech1973/1380297_3484939658457_912485016_n_zps86eaf7de.jpg (http://s266.photobucket.com/user/helomech1973/media/1380297_3484939658457_912485016_n_zps86eaf7de.jpg. html)

[Gunfixr]

Stormy, I am not a vet, and never been in combat. I cannot sympathize, but I can empathize.
First, Thank You again for your service.
I do know quite a few vets, many of them messed up from injuries in combat. All I can say from knowing them is that you may never have the answers to your questions. Like life itself, in war inexplicable things happen. There are things beyond us which we do not understand, nor cannot understand.
Suffice to say you are here, and you have not wasted what you were granted.

I also know what it is to feel like you are about to die, and there won't be anything you will do about it. In that I agree, every day is like a gift. That day was almost 15yrs ago, in November.
Enjoy each and every day, for you alone know how close those that you care about, and that care about you, came to losing you forever.