Marital Strife and Preparedness

[The Stig]

This is likely to be a difficult one.

How are you and your spouse/significant other/girlfriend/bang buddy at working out disagreements and/or working together in stressful situations?

In the midst of a SHTF event you do not want to be arguing or having interpersonal power-plays interfering with efforts to determine the best course of action and implementing them.

So how are you and your mate at resolving conflict, working in stressful situations now (in the calm, non-stressed light of day)?

Anymore I see far too many wimpy, fagged out dudes who roll over and play dead at the hands of their shrew of a woman. That's bad for a relationship anyway but can you imagine having to deal with a SHTF event with some woman constantly harping at you?

At the same time, there's a bunch of over amped dudes running around who want to pretend they are Billy-Badass in their big monster trucks and pimped out SKS's. You simply aren't going to provide the best leadership for your family if you aren't willing to listen to input, work as a team with your spouse, admit your mistakes, etc.

SHTF events are dynamic so you can't say that if ABC happens you should always do XYZ. But I can guarendamntee you that working together as a team, playing to your strengths and being a partnership will increase your odds of survival in most SHTF events.

Further, if you can't decide where to have dinner without having WWIII break out, perhaps "preparing" by working out the underlying relationship issue is going to have a higher payback than buying another 100lbs of wheat.

Thoughts?

[piranha2]

That is one reason why I am divorced. She did not understand the word "compromise".

[bacpacker]

I divorced my shrew 30+ years ago and never looked back. My wife (for the past 27 years) and I work together very well. We have our boughts of arguing like most every married couple do, but never to the point of going at each other. We just spent the weekend picking produce from the garden and processing, canning, and freezing. We try to share the work as suits each of us the best and help out where we can with the other.
She is very much in favor of the prepping I'm working on and I encourage her to prep for what she feels is important as well. IMO, it;s got to be a balanced act if there is a pair of people involved. Long term it won't work any other way.

[piranha2]

you are a lucky man, bacpacker.

[bacpacker]

Thanks I agree. We do have our moments, but find a way to work thru it. Still a PIA at times ;) .

[RedJohn]

I decided a long time ago that I cannot live with anyone. So now, this problem is solved for me.

[izzyscout21]

beatings will continue until attitude improves. J/K

[Grumpy Old Man]

A man without a woman is like a fish without a bicycle. I'm with RJ on this one, I'm better off alone. I have buddies I can hook up with and various others of my kids and grandkids, but the wife has too many bipolar issues. So she stays in Denver in her condo and I sennd her money for her meds. I suspect that she is treating her manic phase with "herbs". But I don't have to put up with that out here in the PRK. It's not the life I had envisioned as a young man, but it's the hand I've been dealt.

Horses are better partners anyway- they're always happy to see Carrot Guy!

[LUNCHBOX]

Like BP, I got lucky this time around also. The wife likes the outdoors and she is onboard with the prepping we do. She understands that some decisions have to be made by me since I have the military background whether they are right or wrong. I'm not saying she agrees all the time but if we are doing training or just talking "what would you do if this happened?" she goes on without complaining (to much)--I know we will argue at times, if anything, maybe it will just be a way to let out some stress.

[piranha2]

Like RJ and Grumpy, I do better by myself.

[AlphaTea]

I just recently went over 33 years with my first and only wife. We have had ups and downs, spent 8 years in the Navy, a couple of years on the road as a contractor, but mostly good times.
We are not much alike. She likes the beach and I like the woods.
She would never eat any critter that was ever in a Disney movie and I will try anything that is safe to eat.
I honestly think she would rather run over a pedestrian than a deer or rabbit.
She hates Bass Pro and gander Mountain because of all the stuffed animals
She does not mind my guns but does not have much do do with them. She can shoot them though.
Her idea of roughing it would be a 40ft motor home in a hotel parking lot, but she will go camping with me. She has little interest the "outdoors" and I suspect it kind of scares her but she goes because I want to. We (mostly she) does the indoor cooking. I do ALL of the outdoor cooking
We just got back from a vacation where we rented a cabin in the mountains down in Tennessee. Very secluded. VERY secluded. Managed to get back to nature several times. ;) We still had to go into town periodically for her sanity's sake. AS much as I try to teach her, i know she would not survive on her own if lost in the woods without me.
We are different but compliment each other. A Yin-Yang type thing. Im OK with that.
Anyway as far as preps go, we have been doing this for so long that anytime we are in a store together she asks If we need anything and asks if this or that would be good to have.
She has even asked me before if I was sure I had enough ammo or needed to pick up some more.
I imagine if SHTF, in her eyes, I would still be a god among men and there would be no doubt as to who is in charge.

ETA: After reading over this i noticed that it may give the wrong impression about wifey. She is an absolute Gadsden Flag flying Tea Party supporter of the Republican party ,such as it is. She will flip you a bird if you cut her off in traffic. She also thinks "The gal with the big ass in the White House looks like a Wookie"
Definitely NOT a bleeding heart liberal. Just big hearted.

[RedJohn]

ETA: After reading over this i noticed that it may give the wrong impression about wifey. She is an absolute Gadsden Flag flying Tea Party supporter of the Republican party ,such as it is. She will flip you a bird if you cut her off in traffic. She also thinks "The gal with the big ass in the White House looks like a Wookie"
Definitely NOT a bleeding heart liberal. Just big hearted.

You know in my book a liberal is not a bad person. I think I am a liberal if you think that I am fine with anybody thinking. I am not putting any type on anybody. And if you go fine together, who cares what she is. There are plenty liberal survivalists.

[Servelan]

If a relationship can survive moving and remodeling, it can survive anything.

[Stormfeather]

Met my wife in a gun store as she was buying ammo for a shooting competition. . . Had our fair share of ups & downs, but overall shes ok with the prepping and craziness that has constituted my life so far. I think I will probably keep her around til she needs to become zombie bait.

[ladyhk13]

Well I have to say that my husband and I are together 24/7 365. We are almost never apart...ever unless he is bushhogging the yard or something like that. We never fight except in remodeling our house for the past 4 years we have come to realize that we cannot do tile together...that is my world and he needs to stay out. other than that we work really well together...he does the "rough" stuff and I help and I do all the detail work. I got him into prepping on the food side of the house and he got me into prepping on the weapons/security side of the house. We are both prior military and maybe that's why we can work together and we compliment each other. He taught me how to shoot several different weapons (which he does brag about) and I think even though I would be scared I could cover him. I know I can trust him with my life and would do whatever he told me to do without question. If we need to build a shelter I can run power tools (I own all my own and love them)...all he has to do is tell me what he wants. I go to gun shows with him, I reload my own ammo, I'll go to Bass Pro or any other shop even though I do get bored easily...but he does the same for me. I wanted a Treadle sewing machine and he did his homework and found me the most beautiful one and has learned everything there is to know and is even learning to use it himself. He picks fruit and veggies with me and helps peel and prep everything for canning. Ya see guys, it's not about who is the boss...it's about sharing everything. It's about knowing as much as possible about the other persons "jobs" so that if one of ya is sick you can pick up the slack while the other person is down, it's knowing each other's strengths so that you can trust whatever decision that is made. If she thinks you are a bully or full of crap she will have no respect for your opinions in an emergency. If you show no respect for her strengths or what she can contribute to the cause then she won't care about the cause and will fight you every step of the way. Just some thoughts.

[Stormfeather]

Well Said LadyHK13, i couldnt agree more! I count myself lucky in finding my other half in that she either contributes or is at least willing to learn from my point of view, and yes it goes both ways!

[ladyhk13]

Am I the only girl on here? I haven't seen signs of any yet....if you know of any could you direct me??? thanks.

[Stormfeather]

To be totally honest, this is my first day here, so Im still perusing the forums and making comments here and there. Im sure if there are other ladies here, they will chirp in and say hello! Maybe you should start a thread on it asking if theres other women here so you can make some new friends?

[ladyhk13]

Yup Stormfeather I guess that's what I'll have to do. Can't seem to find any gals here. Not that I don't like chatting with ya'll or anything but it would be nice to find some.

[dragon5126]

My wife and I are both professionals. And perfectionists. BAD MIX... but dont dare get between us, dont interfere and dont pretend to know what is best for us, we already know. It's butting heads until it's make up time. In the big picture there is NOTHING we can't accomplish TOGETHER, we know it and we have proven it time and again. We may have a "unique" dynamic between us, but the hell we have been through together would have destroyed the relationship of a lesser bond, instead of forging a stronger one like it has ours. We both work in Criminal Justice, and end up bringing too much of the job home with us. I was even retired and on disability due to job stress for a while but ended up going back to work. Retirement was killing me. What my wife and I have works for us. But it doesnt work for others. We are a team and equal in every way, supporting each other, working with our strengths and weaknesses in a manner that is as if we were a single entity. If the S hits the F in a big way we are set, I just pity anyone who messes with either of our spouses. They will learn what it really means to hit the fan

[jules1966]

I am a woman and my husband is bull headed and doesnt understand the meaning of preparing so i dont discuss with him anymore. The fighting got to bad. And i would give in so now i just do it and dont tell him about. I Love him very much and we've already been in situations where we needed to be prepared and it was me that got us through. I learned early on that it was me that would have to be the protector and the rational one. If and when he has money hes likely to spend it on things like coffee or cigarettes and never save anything for tomorrow. And hes a very sound sleeper so he doesnt wake when he should so i am also the protector. It gets on my nerves sometimes but because I Love him i do the responsible and try to keep the fighting down to a minimum. Not the perfect situation for a shtf scenario but like i said weve been in situations already like shtf so i know it can be done.

[bacpacker]

Very good points ladyhk. The wife and I tend to share what duties we can. Most all the gardening from planting to perserving. She's even got me into cooking a little, just not sure i'd turn her loose with power tools or construction. :)

[Stg1swret]

The easiest way to avoid marital strife is to remeber two rules:
1. You are wrong, even if you are right you are wrong.
2. What is in the past is history, it cannt be changed, so dont bring it up.

[ladyhk13]

Very good points ladyhk. The wife and I tend to share what duties we can. Most all the gardening from planting to perserving. She's even got me into cooking a little, just not sure i'd turn her loose with power tools or construction. :)

Oh come on bacpacker give her a chance! My DH likes to joke around and tell everyone how I came with my own power tools. I love my power tools! I love my guns, love NASCAR and football (go Miami Dolphins!). I have remodeled a house by myself and loved every minute of it. I always wanted to do an old Victorian but I won't ever get the chance now since our priorities have changed. A dream that will never come true, oh well.

[bacpacker]

That wasn't a knock on her at all. She has nerve damage and a lot of pain from a broken neck and has very limited strength in her hands and arms. Plus she has no real interest in construction. She helps out on anything I'm working on if I need her to, but I try to limit it to save her the grief.

[ladyhk13]

That wasn't a knock on her at all. She has nerve damage and a lot of pain from a broken neck and has very limited strength in her hands and arms. Plus she has no real interest in construction. She helps out on anything I'm working on if I need her to, but I try to limit it to save her the grief.

Good save bacpacker!