Domeguy's Freedom Fund

[robsdak]

well guys, here we are. it seems like Domeguy has gotten into a little trouble and needs our help. it is unclear how this has happened and who Antonio is. but, none the less we need to save his sorry ass. looks like he needs $50K for a bond.

or option #2

we fund a trip for me and i go up and push the little bastard off the side of a mountain.

either way, i am good with it. let your conscience be your guide.


(i call dibs on his Shosmith's, if we can't buy his FREEDOM)

Freedom

$32.50

[ElevenBravo]

Need the back story first... Ive got $5 I can chip in...

If hes in Tijuana and it involves a Mexican midget and alcohol, we cant help....


EB

[bacpacker]

I think I'd throw in $5 just to hear the story. This is gotta be good.

[Stormfeather]

Dibs on the wife.... is she good with kids?

[eagle326]

Solar panel and chargers dibs.

[Sniper-T]

guns dibs!

if he's in Mexico and it involves Tequila and midgets, I'll chip in. I know what that's like...

lol

[Gunfixr]

Wow

What a crew.

[Sniper-T]

rofl. ^too true!

[Domeguy]

Wow, what an ordeal. I am finally home after a long visit spending some quality time with some of Tijuana's more colorful locals. It all started on one dark and stormy night...

[ElevenBravo]

Go on, tell us more!!!

Did you eat the worm?? What else happened??

EB

[bacpacker]

As long as it didn't involve a donkey.

[mitunnelrat]

It it was Mexico, it involved a donkey. But we can definitely pass on the details.

[mitunnelrat]

It it was Mexico, it involved a donkey. But we can definitely pass on the details.

[Sniper-T]

Mexico... Tequila... Donkey...

we definitely don't need the details... as we are probably al too familiar with them. Especially with them damn worm munching midgets!

*shudder*

several parts of me still shiver with the very thought! And other parts drool!

[Domeguy]

Mexico, yes...tequila, yes...a donkey, yes, and a lovely buxom fan dancer senioreta named Carlotta, but if you don't want details, so be it, as gentlemen don't tell details, but I might...

[robsdak]

It it was Mexico, it involved a donkey. But we can definitely pass on the details.

details hell, i want pictures! i bet the scenery is gorgeous this time of year... and you SICKO's can get your minds from the eavestrough.



Mexico, yes...tequila, yes...a donkey, yes, and a lovely buxom fan dancer senioreta named Carlotta, but if you don't want details, so be it, as gentlemen don't tell details, but I might...

you'd better tell. going to give gentleman a bad name... :p

[Domeguy]

As I was expecting a check to arrive in the mail for $15 million, I got impatient and wend down to our local check into cash store. This is where I net Carlotta. The hair was the color of freshly minted gold, her lips were a color of red that just asked to be kissed. Her eyes sparkled in the fluorescent neon lighting, and her breasts could have fed an Ethopian village. We struck up a conversation as she cashed the check I wrote for the 15 million, and she told me she was leaving that very morning to visit her sick mother in Mexico. Our conversation then changed to our plans to travel together to Mexico that day, as I had never frequented said country. I rented a private jet and paid cash, and we landed on a small grass landing strip in Taequana. As we exited the plane, we were surprised to find a small group of men surrounding a small donkey. The leader of this group was named Armondo who beckoned us to come over. He wanted us to help him settle a bet with his group, but as his eyes fell upon Carlotta, he became speechless and started drooling. I don't speak the local language, but he seemed to be muttering something that sounded like lache. As we started to walk into town, Carlotta said she had either ridden or mounted donkeys before, I don't remember at this point the word she used, but I felt she knew her way around a donkey, so she rode while I walked. More latter...

[Domeguy]

http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f226/gantsum/c46a0c4dc1066a9008c7ca07e569f0d2_zpsgoqvr2dg.jpgth is is were we started walking, but as we came into town, Carlotta confessed not to have a sick mother, but wanted to visit her father, whom she hadn't seen since she left town at the age of 14, but once seeing me, she knew she would never leave my side, "we were destined to be as one" she said. I felt like a stooge to be taken advantage of like that, so easily, the anger grew inside of me just waiting to be released like a volcanic explosion. As my clammy hands became fists of steel, the finger nails digging into my palms, I turned to her, but as I looked into her tearful eyes, all the anger left me like a extinct dinosaur, just something that no longer exists. Our eyes locked onto each other's, soon to be joined by our lips. Our lust was growing, becoming larger and larger by the second,...our lust, that is. Only our lust became large, nothing else...and I mean nothing else, for when we broke our lip locked embrace, wouldn't you know it, we were in the middle of a street, with 25-30 people on the sidewalks watching us, with one of them being the local Constable, a senior Rodregeas, and he wasn't feeling our love. He blew into a shiny brass whistle that was on a chain of pure gold, studded with emeralds and diamonds about every 3-4 inches. As he strode into the street, the spurs on his silver heals sparked on the pavement with every step of his boots. It seemed from every corner, 2-3 gringos on his payroll snapped to life and closed in on us like vultures around a dead donkey. As the Constable pulled out his Colt pistol and aimed it at me, Carlotta screamed, "Father, please no, not again. For I truly love this man this time. The last man, I only use him to use his money. To leave all of this stinking town behind me. Because I knew I was meant for better things than dancing and performing with a donkey in the side show of the family traveling circus. I knew I could make it big in the rather profitable check into cash business in America if I was only given a chance, due to the 15-18% profit margin on every transaction". "What" I screamed, "you never told me that", but I was interrupted. What is your name," her father asked. She turned to me and said "I'm sorry, I love you, but I don't even know your name". "The names Guy, Domeguy, but it's Mr. Domeguy to you" I told him in my best Eastwood imitation, as I spit a wad of chewing tobacco on to the tip of his boot, which was strange as I wasn't chewing tobacco, but I went with it. Well, did he ever get his pantys in a twist at that point. I never saw the punch coming, but I did see the pretty birdies and pretty stars circling around my head when I woke up in the local jail. I was in cell #2, on the bottom bunk with rather large brute of a man was in the upper bunk. I only knew this as the sag of the upper bunk placed it almost an inch away from my nosee, and of course, his snoring. I looked across the room to the other cell, in where I saw my darling Carlotta, face down in the bottom cot. I could see her breathing, but she made no sound. In the cell with her were 3 ladies of somewhat rather ill repute, as I asked them if they were ladies of ill repute, and the answered yes, they were ladies of ill repute. They then asked me if I wanted any company for the evening. This is when my rather large bed fellow chose as an oppertune time to wake up....
http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f226/gantsum/fd5dbd26046247adadbb3fdb77542adb_zps0v24cnx4.jpg

[robsdak]

DG.. liking the story. just one thing. the picture is of Danny Trejo. ;)

[Domeguy]

I know, thanks for the spoiler alert...they were filming his new "machete" movie. And it's no story, you guys wanted the truth, I'm giving it to you...But more latter.

[Sniper-T]

liking the story too... but one suggestion, PARAGRAPHS!!!

[Domeguy]

Are you Mrs. Swenson, my English teacher,...jeez. Lol. And it's not a story...it's the truth!

[Sniper-T]

Nope but I might have done her... It's just a suggestion to make it easier to read!

[Domeguy]

Where was I...oh yea, paragraphs. Mrs. Swenson was in her late 60's in 1978, so what ever floats your boat. Now back to the truth.
This huge man with arm the size of oak trees swung over to the side of the upper bunk and dropped to the floor with a loud thud. "What are you doing waking me up at this time in the afternoon?" He yelled.
I looked at him, and started to plan my moves to knock his ass down to the floor, as this is what I do in situations like this, when I stopped for some reason.
"Hey, aren't you that guy, who was in that show, who did that thing, to that guy, with that thing, or something?"
"Keep your voice down," he said. "Yes, I'm Danny Trejo."
"Bbbbbbbbbut what are you doing here?" I stammered.
"I'm down here doing research for my next 'Machete' movie, but your doing to blow my cover. Keep your voice down"
"How did you get in here?"
"My agent paid off some of the guards in here, and I can get out any time I want. The guards will do anything for money."
"But how" I finally managed to get out.
"When I want to get out, all I have to do is act like I am trying to start a riot, and the guards will use the confusion to get me out in a large black suitcase. There also is a white car waiting for me on the outside."
I was stunned. Here I was with the love of my life, and we were separated by iron bars in this hell hole, and this asshole paid someone to get in here. I started formulating a plan at this moment. I was smart enough to hide the bulk of my money in my 'amazing super deluxe money belt', by Ronco, TM. that I was fortunate enough to purchase in the airport before we took off in the US. These local cowboys didn't take it off me before throwing me in my cell.
It was about then my beautiful Carlotta woke up in her cell. "Just hold on my sweet mango flower. I have a way to get us out of here."
I opened my money belt, and pulled out a couple of thousand in $100 bills. I told the ladies across the hall of my plan, and tossed some of the money to them. It was to help in out escape, and latter to buy their freedom out of this hell hole.
I discussed my plan also to Mr. Trejo, who after accepting about $100,000 for himself, was on board. I told Carlotta to get ready, and I I called for the guard. I told him I was Danny Trejo, and it was my time to go, along with my agent across the cell. I paid him $200,000 before he came on board.
I started kicking at the bars, and generally making an ass of myself, and started yelling "I am going to start a riot". This is when the ladies started screaming. There were only 6 of us in the jail, but I was in the presence of a great American actor, so I reached down deep into my soul, and pulled out a performance that surely would have won me an Oscar, an Emmy, and the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes back home. It wasn't long before the guard came back, unlocked the cell, and brought in a black suitcase.
I was packed inside, and due to the tight fit, I had to strip off all of my clothing except or my white socks. My beautiful Carlotta was looking stunning in her black Spanx tights and a white short dress over them. Damn she looked sexy, and was soon wheeling me down the hall, headed for the door and freedom. But just as she was reaching for the handle, the door was thrown open from the other side.
And who else could it be but dear ol Daddy himself, and my beautiful delicate flower Carlotta just froze.
"Well, just what do we have here?" he bellowed, and reached down and unzipped the zipper.

http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f226/gantsum/1de59eb8e85ffec62d9f09981288d797_zpstanvezlq.jpg

[Domeguy]

As I could hear through the material of the suitcase, I could everything, an I was ready to work my mojo. I was rather warm inside the bag, and I therefore was glistening with sweat, which made my body slippery. I was able to spring from the suitcase like a, well, like a spring. I connected to his jaw with my right fist, and he went down like a sack of potatoes. Carlotta snapped out of her daze, and jumped back a bit with surprise.
"Don't worry, my little passion fruit, it's all still going according to plan."
I quickly stripped him of his clothes, and put them on. I then stuffed him in the suitcase, zipped it up, and placed it in a corner. I heard a noise and turned around. I was facing a prison riot. I am not sure where they came from, but there were prisions everywhere. I thought there were only 6 of us, but I guess I was wrong.http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f226/gantsum/ff57ea812aac295e64f072928c50af27_zpsetr98ojk.jpg
I again was expecting to have to fight our way out, when their leader stepped forward. He was dressed impeccably in his business attire, with a hat that stated a sense of intelligence. I could tell this was a man of high breeding.http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f226/gantsum/4c107643986465d4270dd3814cad6c39_zpsyozvhht6.jpg
"Senior Trejo, my brothers and I are with you, and will fight by your side until the end, or until 7:00 tonight. That's when 'Matlock' comes on."
"Fair enough my brother, fair enough" I told him and started looking for the white car in which to make our escape. I spotted it in the parking lot across the street, and again my super trained brain started formulating a plan. I turned to the leader and told him what to do. In a flash, the flash mob of rioting prisoners were running through the streets and reeking havoc on the town. A siren screeched, tearing the air apart, and making my ears want to bleed. I grabbed my tender petal of love Carlotta by the hand, and ran to the waiting car.
As we jumped in, we were surrounded by the jails elite guard. I started the engine, and as it roared to life, I honked the horn, and spun the tires creating a cloud of dust. They were confused by my brilliant plan, and thought I must have gotten out of the car and ran back across the street. I took advantage of this and I aimed ft their cloud and floored it, taking one of them out along the way.
http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f226/gantsum/3b935ee5f4117bd0f8f5556e7055e364_zps0uyv2xmm.jpg
We left them in a cloud of dust, dazed and confused, wondering what just happened.
I turned to my little snuggle bunny Carlotta, and asked her where her Grandfathers traveling show was this time of year. She told me he has to retire, and now all that was left of the show was her aging grandmother, and of course, El Deablo, her once beloved pet donkey.http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f226/gantsum/e794efd5c3cefbbb3703caf95bc2847c_zpskyzsd9vj.jpg
So we headed off into the dust, to join up with granny.
http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f226/gantsum/3498aecab6d31cf599c69fab8df53cb5_zpsfowialpt.jpg

[robsdak]

you crack me up!. :D

[Domeguy]

I was keeping the pedal of the white Pontiac to the floor, as I drove like I was in the lead on the last lap at Talladega.
http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f226/gantsum/338d05a2b56d125a455ce12c3d23a9b7_zpshfj5bijb.jpg

I only slowed down as she was started to over heat, and a bit of steam was starting to leak out. Carlotta that is, not the car.
"Turn left down that next gravel road" Carlotta yelled, trying to be heard over the whine of the engine.
I kicked in the clutch, down shifted the tranny, pulled up on the parking brake handle, and executed the perfect drift turn, which is a bit strange as the car had a automatic transmission and a pedal for the parking brake.
"Granny's place is just over the next rise" Carlotta yelled as the bottom of the car scraped the road and sparks flew in all directions. The road dipped down sharply, then seemed to rise straight up. I saw only sky for what seemed like an eternity, then the nose of the car finally tipped slightly forward, and the world came back into focus.
The narrow road opened into a small valley. The beauty was breathtaking. There were colorful old carney trailers everywhere, intermixed with old trucks and trailers with pictures on the sides, and traveling carnival rides. A small tent tent sat to one side with a sign over the top of it which read in three lines, "PALMS READ, FORTUNES TOLD, DONKEYS PLEASURED."
The sign brought back memory's of my youth I hadn't thought about for ages. As a boy, born and raised in the Mid-West, and leading a somewhat sheltered life, I had always wondered about the seedy traveling shows that passed through our town every summer. When I was just barely a teen, just starting puberty, my mind would wander trying to imagine all of the dark secrets that would happen after most of the towns lights had gone out, and the lights would come on inside the dimly lit tents and trailers. "Was it really possible," I wondered in my pubescent thoughts. "Could a woman, with just her, hand, using her fingers in ways I had yet to imagine, really do that...really be able to stroke you, and read your palm?"
I was jerked back to reality as Carlotta yelled out "Granny", and jumped out of the car barely giving me time to hit the brakes and put the car into park. She ran to where a futon was in front of the tent, and I could see from the woman reclining upon it where my Carlotta had gotten her good looks. She was dressed tastefully in black, and looked as she has just stepped out from her hair dresser She had the body of a dancer, and the face of an angel.

http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f226/gantsum/45a7446c996a3dec7e17ea24454cffc5_zpsghyhx3ec.jpg

She looked up through her teary eyes at her granddaughter she had thought never to see again. She stood and they embraced each other and cried for several minutes. I uncomfortably stood there and looked around at all the strange sites before me. The place seemed to have fallen upon bad times in the last decade.
"Granny, this is the man who I am going to marry."
This brought my attention back into full focus as Granny grabbed me and gave me a hug, bringing my face full into her busom and holding it there for what seemed like an eternity.
"Come, come inside where we can sit and talk, Can I get you something to drink?" Grammy asked.
"I'll take a beer if you have one? " I said.
She turned toward a closed door and yelled "Agnes, get your scrawny butt out here, and bring a couple bottles of tequila with you."
Through the door came Granny's sister Agnes, looking every bit a beautiful as her sister, and also dressed elegantly in black. It was evident they went to the same hair salon.

http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f226/gantsum/022f4fbae1e10d1f5eb3c524b5fa61eb_zpspre6fzvh.jpg

[Domeguy]

"Our little Carlotta has brought home a fella" Granny told Agnes.
I asked Carlotta if all of her family were ballet dancers?
But before she could answer, Agnes said "You can bet your ass we are. We all have been dancers for generations past, and still are." as she pointed out of a flap in the tent looking out beyond into the courtyard. Outside was Granny's other sister Papita, stretching and limbering up to do her routine.

http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f226/gantsum/a7004d3cebb7f2e9d6a41b7057250ac0_zpsjwlbqno2.jpg

We all have been dancers, even your father danced Carlotta, when we would cross over the Rio Grande and go up into California. He had a knack for it.

http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f226/gantsum/01405533600ce6462fd4fc72ef294195_zpscyf7vlur.jpg

But that was of course before he left us and joined up with the Federalies and the drug cartels.

[robsdak]

dude, you a knut!!! no need to visit the 'bears'. :p you have a spot on the entertainment committee.

[Sniper-T]

*shudder*

that is all...

[Domeguy]

Hey man, don't blame me, as I'm just the messenger. And you know because it's on the internet, it must be TRUE.
Any way...

After my little rose petal Carlotta was born, her big brave dancing father just up and left town. They didn't know where he went, or what happened to him, but in the mean time, the toll fell deeply upon the family. As he pulled about 1/2 of the revenue from...well...we won't go into that here, but I hear it involved brown showers in San Diego. He must have side lined as a plumber I guess.
The next morning after breakfast, and then hitting the head, (mexican breakfast burritos can be pretty rough on the uninitiated colon), I met with granny. I asked her if she was reading palms, telling fortunes, and pleasuring donkeys because she needed the money?
She told me no, she had a real gift for all three, but was really only mostly doing the first two lately. Carlotta really had a knack for the third, but after she left, the market for even that seemed to dry up as fast as her hoo-haa. I'm guessing that was her...I'm not really sure?
"Financial stability is what you need, and that is my speciality." I told here, "and how much American money do you think it would take to but this mess back into a real 'Dog and Pony' show."
"No, no," she cried, "we only use donkeys...we are not perverts...pony...uchh, but Papitta does like to dress up the dogs."
http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f226/gantsum/27f05be350a9efbf7e15b84905c44281_zpssi5tvknh.jpg

I told her we could work with that, and we hashed out a few other peoples talents.
There were her two uncles who liked to put on ladies underware and pull on each other...
http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f226/gantsum/27f05be350a9efbf7e15b84905c44281_zpssi5tvknh.jpg

"We have a family of three siblings, one of which is a little person, and they have their own costumes."
"Now we are getting somewhere! I can do some work with a midget! Here in Mexico, I've heard tales..."

http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f226/gantsum/5f4a7a37f6398bc748d65a3a2cff857d_zps5augg5jz.jpg


She cut me off, "no midgets here, it's just their daughter, and she's little."
"Never mind"
Granny said she used to pull in a good crowd when she wore her 'Wonder-woman' outfit.
http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f226/gantsum/da3b946a47136667a30971559ab23e7e_zpstnkjwxti.jpg

"I'm hopping we can let you three sisters retire and enjoy the rest of your life."
I slept on it a day, then two, then on the third day I had the answer, and went to discuss it with Granny.
The next morning we called everyone into Granny's tent, and told them my grand plan.
" I just bought the circus", and threw my Ronco TM. Monet belt on the table, and started passing out money like it was Christmas morning.

http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f226/gantsum/71c83d13ce2054ed649ccaab0a63a1c8_zps3h08jfj8.jpg