The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who
said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?"
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Little Akio, a bright foreign
exchange student from Japan, who had his hand up:
"Patrick Henry, 1775," he said.
"Very good! -- Who said, 'Government of the People, by the People, for the
People, shall not perish from the Earth'?"
Again, no response except from Little Akio: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863.."
"Excellent!" said the teacher continuing, "Let's try one a bit more
difficult -- Who said, 'Ask not what your country can do for you, but what
you can do for your country'?"
Once again, Akio's was the only hand in the air and he said:
"John F. Kennedy, 1961."
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed of
yourselves, Little Akio isn't from this country and he knows more about
our history than you do."
She heard a loud whisper: "F_ _ k the Japs."
"Who said that? -- I want to know right now!? she angrily demanded..
Little Akio put his hand up, "General MacArthur, 1945."
At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke.'
The teacher glares around and asks, 'All right! -- Now who said that?"
Again, Little Akio says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."
Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? -- Suck this!"
Little Akio jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the
teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"
Now with almost mob hysteria someone said, "You little shit! -- If you say
anything else -- I'll kill you!"
Little Akio frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Michael Jackson to
the children testifying against him, 2004."
The teacher fainted. As the class gathered around the teacher on the
floor, someone said, "Oh shit, We're screwed!"
Little Akio said quietly, "The American people, November 6, 2012...
- - - Updated - - -
A Marine dies in combat and wakes up to find he is in hell. He's really depressed as he stands in the processing line waiting to talk to an admittance counselor. He thinks to himself I know I lead a wild life but, Hell, I'm a Marine. We're expected to live wild lives. I wasn't that bad. I never thought it would come to this. "
Looking up he sees that it is his turn to be processed into hell. With fear and heavy heart, he walks up to the counselor.
Counselor: What's the problem, you look depressed?
Marine: Well, what do you think? I'm in hell.
Counselor: Hell's not so bad; we actually have a lot of fun. Do you like to drink?
Marine: Of course I do. I'm a Marine.
Counselor: Well then, you are going to love Mondays, On Mondays we drink up a storm. You can have whiskey, rum, tequila, beer, whatever you want and as much you want. We party all night long. You'll love Mondays. Do you smoke?
Marine: Yes, as a matter of fact I do.
Counselor: You are going to love Tuesdays. Tuesday is smoke day. You get to smoke the finest cigars and best cigarettes available anywhere. And you smoke to your heart's desire without worrying about cancer because you are already dead! Is that great or what? You are going to love Tuesdays.
Do you like to fight?
Marine: Of course I do. I'm a Marine!
Counselor: You are going to love Wednesdays. That's Fighting Day. We challenge each other to fights to see who's the toughest in Hell. You don't have to worry about getting hurt or killed, because you're already dead. You are going to love Wednesdays. Do you gamble?
Marine: Show me a Marine who doesn't!
Counselor: You are going to love Thursdays, because we gamble all day and night. Black jack, craps, poker, slots, horse races, everything! You are going to love Thursdays. Are you gay?
Marine: Of course, not! I'm a Marine!
Counselor: Oh (grimaces), you're going to hate Fridays.
Bookmarks