Funny Side of Life

[mitunnelrat]

I believe I'll go stand oustide now.

If anyone asks for me, please feel free to tell them I'm outstanding.

[4suchatimeasthis]

An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes.

The first passenger, Holly Madison said, "I have my own reality show and I am the smartest and prettiest woman at Playboy, so Americans don't want me to die." She took the first pack and jumped out of the plane.

The second passenger, John McCain, said, "I'm a Senator, and a decorated war hero from an elite Navy unit from the United States of America .So he grabbed the second pack and jumped.

The third passenger, Barack Obama said, "I am the President of the United States and I am the smartest ever in the history of our country, some even call me the 'Anointed One.'" So he grabbed the pack next to him and jumped out.

The fourth passenger, Billy Graham said to the fifth passenger, a 10-year-old schoolgirl, "I have lived a full life and served my God the best I could. I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute." The little girl said, "That's okay, Mr. Graham. There's a parachute left for you. America’s smartest President took my schoolbag."

[Taz Baby]

thanks guys and gals for keeping this up while I am away. But looks like you put funnier stuff up than me.

[4suchatimeasthis]

Must prep more toilet paper.....

[RedJohn]

[RedJohn]

[Sniper-T]

- - - Updated - - -

A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much..

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.

Then he married the one with the biggest tits.

Men are like that, you know.

[Sniper-T]

Two friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them,

'Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn up.'


'Sure,' they said, 'You're welcome.' So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer. Part way around

the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, 'What do you do for a living?'
'I'm a hit man,' was the reply.
'You're joking!' was the response.
'No, I'm not,' he said, reaching into his golf bag and pulling out a Sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. 'Here are my tools.'
'That's a beautiful telescopic sight,' said the other friend, 'Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from Here.'
So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house.
'Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window.'
'Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom... Ha Ha, I can see she's naked!! Wait a minute, that's my neighbour in there with her.....

He' s naked, too!!!'
He turned to the hit man, 'How much do you charge for a hit?'
'I'll do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger.'
'Can you do two for me now?'
'Sure, what do you want?'
'First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth.'
'Then the neighbor, he's a friend of mine, so just shoot his dick off to teach him a lesson.'
The hit man took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few Minutes.
'Are you going to do it or not?' said the friend impatiently.


'Just be patient,' said the hit man calmly, 'I think I can save you a grand here !!'

[Grumpy Old Man]

For Izzy

[4suchatimeasthis]