Funny Side of Life

[Taz Baby]

[mitunnelrat]

[B]

15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.

Neither do we Taz, but that doesn't make it any less fun

[izzyscout21]

Neither do we Taz, but that doesn't make it any less fun

I can't help it. I have a bowel disease that often produces uncontrollable rancid farts.

Every one of them makes me grin.

[Taz Baby]

beans beans the musical fruit.... well you know that song. I love beans and can create a band all by myself.

[Taz Baby]

Why My Liberal Neighbors Aren’t Speaking To Me Anymore

April 18, 2012

I recently asked my neighbors’ little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, are liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, ‘If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?’






She replied, ‘I’d give food and houses to all the homeless people.’
Her parents beamed with pride.
’Wow…what a worthy goal.’ I told her, ‘But you don’t have to wait until you’re President to do that! You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I’ll pay you $50. Then I’ll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house.‘
She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, ’ Why doesn’t the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50? ‘
I said, ‘Welcome to Conservatism.’
Her parents still aren’t speaking to me.

[bacpacker]

Taz that is msot fantastic. A great explanation indeed.

[Sniper-T]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I went fishing this morning but after a short time I ran out of worms. Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth. Frogs are good bass bait.



Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in my bait bucket.

Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit. So, I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth. His eyes rolled back, he went limp. I released him into the lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog.



A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot. It was that snake, with two more frogs.

[Grumpy Old Man]

A liberal is just a conservative that hasn't been mugged yet.

[Sniper-T]

President Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, President Obama " a heavily accented voice said. "This is Archie, up ere at the Harp Seal Pub in Badger's Cove , Newfoundland , Canada , he? I am callin' to tells ya dat we are officially declaring war on ya!"

"Well Archie," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news !
How big is your army ?"

"Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself, me cousin Harold , me next-door-neighbor Mick, and the whole dart team from the pub. That makes eight!"

Barack paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Wow," said Archie. "I'll have at call ya back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. " Mr. Obama , the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be Archie?" Barack asked.

"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry 's farm tractor."

President Obama sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke."

"Lord above", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya."

Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day.. " President Obama , the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Harrigan's ultra-light wit a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Legion have joined us as well!"

Barack was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Jumpins," said Archie, "l'll have at call youse back."

Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. " President Obama ! I am sorry to have to tell you dat we have had to call off dis 'ere war."

"I'm sorry to hear that" said Barack . "Why the sudden change of heart?"

Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and come to realize dat dere's no way we can feed two million prisoners.."

[Grumpy Old Man]

^^^^^^Newfy logic!